Me for President

Interviewer: What is your proposed foreign policy?
Me: Go for the jugular!!

Interviewer: What are your thoughts on "energy crises"?
Me: I am an energy crisis.
Interviewer: And on "alternative fuels"?
Me: They don't exist.
Interviewer: So what do you plan to do about rising gas prices?
Me: I'll send mercenaries to the oil companies to convince them to sell gas at nine cents a gallon.
Interviewer: Wouldn't the oil companies all go bankrupt?
Me: Yep.

Interviewer: What do you plan to do about the national debt?
Me: Any politician who tells you they'll pay back the national debt is delusional. It's an irreparable problem. So, naturally, I'll be spending money wherever I see fit, whenever I want, because it just doesn't matter.
Interviewer: Wouldn't that destroy the economy?
Me: ... You're implying there's still something left to destroy.
Interviewer: ... Oh. Oh, yeah.

Interviewer: Do you think you'll expand the space program at all?
Me: Absolutely. By the end of my third term, I plan to--
Interviewer: Excuse me. Third term?
Me: Yeah. I plan on changing some things.
Interviewer: The president doesn't have the power to change that.
Me: ...yet.

Interviewer: Your comments over the course of your campaign have been very controversial. What do you have to say about that?
Me: Your face is controversial.


I am Nigel Zippershirt and I approve this message.